Rebuilding What's Lost
by SayaD
Summary: Set after the storyline to the first Anime only. Ciel has had his soul consumed by Sebastian and Bard and Finny must rebuild the life they'd lost without their young master. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Finally after stalking fanfiction for years I finally made my own! This takes place after the first anime, but instead of what happened in season 2 Sebastian DID take Ciel's soul. (I guess it could be considered AU?) I find this gives me a lot of room for my own stories..

Contains: Strong language, Violence and, in much later chapters, Sexual scenes.

Copyright: All characters belong to Yana Toboso

I hope you enjoy! Characters most likely will be OOC (my weakness, nuuu!)

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**Chapter 1**

London was decaying into the ground as its streets scattered slaughtered civilians over deathly cold pathways. The painted gashes of orange and red flames consumed the once happy homes of the English man, the air thick and bitty with crumbled, decomposed flesh or debri spitting through the breeze. The melody of screams and commanding voices faded as time etched painfully along amongst unworldly shadows cast by the destructive inferno beast. The source of such chaos, a demon dog no less, lay defeated within the London labyrinth close to it's fallen Phantomhive friends, the trio forced to halt it's butchery once and for all.

Bard's eye lids flickered violently as he eased into conciousness, his senses re-adjusting themselves slowly one after the other. His body was heaving heavily from his uneven breathing as he lay sprawled across the uncomfortable, rocky ground. 'Sh-shit...' His head pounded furousily within his bruised skull. 'Where the hell am I?' Eventually, he fully opened his dulled green-grey eyes, the grey now the dominate colour within blood shot sclera, and noticed not only the powerful, toxic stench of burning wood and corpses but the sharp pain jutted into his side from his loyal gun. The cook weakly began to lift himself from the merciless ground, flinching at the sudden twinge of pain shooting at his shoulder blade and spine but managing to steady his breath until he sat upright and proceeded to remove the gun and rub his sore neck with a shaky hand.

Then, the realisation hit him.

Memories unfolded themselves in the back of Bard's mind. Finny... Mey-Rin... Pluto... His heart throbbed against a battered ribcage as his eyes widened in panic. Bard, ignoring the shoots of agony in his entire body, twisting himself to see both Finny and Mey-Rin lying deathly still at either side, "No..." Bard managed to choke out a horrified whisper before he forced his sight behind him. Pluto, the once loyal, playful humanoid dog, was nothing but an unbreathing, unmoving corpse behind him. It's fur singed and soiled from ash and smoke to an unholy grey and its eyes eternally fallen shut to the cruel world he had engulfed in flames. He was dead; just as the young master commanded. Familiarity stabbed against Bard's nerve wracked body as he returned to a forward sitting position, head collpasing downward to glare helplessly at the ground.

Was it just like before... surrounded by nothing but fallen comrades in a war torn and blood sodden land? Weapons scattered without owners, and uniforms soiled by the spilt lifely essence of the forced enemy? Bard closed his eyes attempting to block out the pained memories and the world around him. Had he not left the military to avoid being here again? He could feel himself being engulfed into the darkened shadows cast by the flames; that unceasing grip of loneliness he had felt just once before was again etching into his sanity. In futile efforts he struggled to choke back the gathering tears forming in swollen ducts until small beads of astray liquid streaked the grimy, ash plastered cheeks leaving nothing but paled trails. "Shit! Shit!" Bard growled wiping the collected fluid from his stubbled chin and cheeks. "Bloody hell, I'm not a fucking woman!" He lectured himself tiredly, dispising how awry everything had become in passing days. He sighed, lowering his head further.

After moments of sitting in what seemed like an irreversable silence Bard's ears pricked up harshly as a low moan and the soft sound of weak shuffling wavered from beside him. His chest tensed as he twisted his heavy neck to see Finny stirring and gasping softly for air. For a few shocked seconds Bard gathered his senses before the corners of his mouth trembled into a weak relieved smile. Finny was okay, 'Thank god' He sighed deeply, cupping his hands into his dirtied face and rubbed the remaining tears into his skin. Not long after, he had noticed Mey-Rin twitching slightly as conciousness re-entered the broken female body as well. The eldest party felt relief almost over whelm him, he wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry at his dark assumption beforehand. He'd never been so happy to have been wrong.

Finny rolled over onto his back completely worn out, whimpering at the jolts of agony filling his limp limbs with every movement. Astray tears still ran carelessly over his miserable, aching expression dimming the emeralds encrusting his iris's to a bleak, matte colour. Images of Pluto finally collapsing in defeat fresh in his mind, the anguish in his eyes as he stared at his friends; Finny knew that look and that clenched his heart to the point of rupturing more than the bruising along his ribcage. "Oi..." A reassuring familiar voice caught the young gardeners attention, he allowed his head to fall effortlessly to his side, messy hair where bobby pins had fallen out covered half his mucky, rosy cheek. His souless frown twitched into a half hearted smile as he glanced up at Bard sitting beside him. "You all right, Fin?" The American asked slowly, shakily pulling a cigerette from his surviving pocket and placing it into his mouth.

Finny, unable to find the words lodged in his clogged throat, nodded cautiously and indicated to Mey-Rin who was rubbing her temples on the other side of Bard, her back still facing both of the men. The cook leaned over, biting down softly on his cigerette at the soreness nibbling on his muscles, and placed his heavy hand on the young girls shoulder. She yelped and turned forcefully glaring those sharp red eyes at her friends. Being a sniper, she was more comfortable keeping at a further distance to her target duly managing to avoid as much injury (the same could not be said for the exhaustion which crippled all three of the Phantomhive workers). "You're both okay?" Her cockney accent nothing more than a hoarse whisper cracked with teary ease. "I thought that was surely it!" She sobbed, smiling as she wiped a contented tear from her eye. She then hauled herself up, patting down dust off her apron as she relaxed into a sitting position.

'Yeah, me too' Bard thought glumly. "Well, looks like we better report back to the master and Sebastian." With no desire to remain in such depressive atmosphere he tightened his muscles against shaking bones to rise to his feet, one in which had obtained a light burn from the fire breathing dog not long before they had keeled over yet was easily managable to stand on. He cleared his throat and turned to look at the two younger team mates lingering on the stony cold floor before he gingerly raised his head to face the mangled body of the demon dog. Mey-Rin soon joined him and gasped at the corpse, shooting up and turning away quickly to prevent any more tear shed. She focused her attention on the distant collapsing buildings being consumed by the dying flames in London, the bobby (and strange suited figures) were seen darting from alleyway to alleyway amongst the red and orange painting.

Finny squirmed on the floor, he could feel the rough, callous brick under his dirtied shirt causing his back to prick in pain. His leg and hand muscles became increasingly numb in his attempts to rise off the floor. It felt as though he was being pinned down much like he was in the facility, as though his hands and feet had restrictions tying him to the ground. Perhaps he had exerted far too much in the fight? But, he wanted to look at Pluto, even if he was gone he wanted to see if he was still in pain, needed to see his peaceful facial expression. He knew Bard and Mey-Rin would only tell him reassurance so he had to see it for himself. Bard glanced down at the growingly fustrated gardener struggling to lift his limbs. The cook cocked his head to the side raising an eyebrow in mere confusion at the sight, but the object of his gaze noticed the glare and blushed lightly whispering "Please help." to end his struggle.

"Ha... Come on then..." Bard kneeled down and hoistered Finny to his feet. He noted how limp Finny felt in his arms, his legs beginning to shake under the stress even before being stood up on full weight. "You pretty much knackered yourself, huh? Think ya can stand?"

"Uh... N-no..." Finny chewed his lip nervously, albiet slightly embarrassed intensifing the pink already present on his cheeks.

Bard quickly shot a stare at Mey-Rin over his shoulder, when she wasn't paying attention he cleared his throat nervously and scrambled Finny up onto his back. If he knew the woman as well as he believed, even in situations like this she'd leer at anything that can be misinterpretted. Luckily, the younger boy was slim and light to carry and didn't aggrivate the tender muscles in the cooks back and sides. Actually, the american was surprised at how warm Finny was and how relaxing that was on his back. Finny wrapped his arms over Bard's shoulders carefully, though didn't notice his carrier wince at the added pressure on a shoulder wound, and settled his head in the crook of the man's neck.

"We better get back to the manor." Bard announced, re-capturing Mey-Rin's attention from the fiery painting before her that was the shell of London. She nodded, grabbing her glasses from her pocket and placing them back where they belonged before turning on her heel to begin walking. Bard leaned toward a small flame on a piece of debri for his cigerette and followed suit relaxing as the smooth taste entered his airways.

Finny lifted his head and glanced back toward Pluto as they began to move away. There he was...his heart sunk further into depression than he believed possible, that same expression, agony, was bore on his slumped face. His friend had died painfully because of him and now they had no choice but to leave him there, alone. Finny tightened his grip on Bard as the strong tingling burn clamped over his nose, eyes swelled up uncontrollably. "Oi, Finny? Mind loosening ya grip." Bard wheezed through a slightly crushed throat. In weary response all Finny could do was bury his weeping face into Bards neck to muffle his cries. The elder Cook furrowed his brow in sympathy as the warm tears rolled down his collar, opening his mouth to speak but decidely silenced himself and took a long drag. "Let it all out Finny." He whispered to the smaller blonde as they entered the broken streets of a murdered city. "I promise we'll come back for him."

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~Please Review. Being my first story I really need help to improve my writing skills.~


	2. Chapter 2

I'm sorry if this chapter seems rushed and it's not very well written (especially the accents). I kind of had extremely bad writers block for this chapter but somehow managed to plan out all the others. -.-'. My brain doesn't work normally.

(o_o)'' Finny is mean to be quite OOC in this chapter.

And thank you Jiinx Ne! I was so happy I got such a nice first review!

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**Chapter 2**

The merciless sun beamed ferociously as a british dawn eupted into the horizon. The countryside lit up into a blinding blaze rivalling only the burning streets of London left far behind and an un-soothing heat cast itself over the dusty road leading to the ruins of the Phantomhive Manor. The once gracious estate destroyed by Pluto before he ran amok in the capital. The three Phantomhive workers sat wearily in the back of an ageing, run-down farmers cart; their bodies battered and bruised but trying to ignore the constant stumbling of the cart driving over large rocks which aggravated their sores. To their dismay the sun's scorching rays cast themselves directly onto the tops of their unkempt, tired heads. After leaving London, many of the carts and carriages had already escaped the city along with panicked survivors leaving Bard, with Finny on his back, and Mey-Rin to set off on foot. To their rare fortune a sympathetic farmer allowed them to hitch a ride to the manor.

As the wheels drove over a particularlly large rock jolting the cart violently, Finny squealed as he was shaken awake. His hands securely found Bard's arm to steady himself capturing the attention of the daydreaming cook. The elder blonde snapped from his meandering thoughts to roll his neck and stare down at Finny; he took a slow drag from his half consumed cigarette while doing so. "Ya feelin' better now?" He asked curiously, noticing the shorter blondes regained energy.

The gardener shifted the large emerald orbs inhabiting his eyes to lock onto sharper sapphires. To the younger worker, the transition from hugging onto the warmth of Bard's back to sitting in an uncomfortable, shoddily built cart had gone unnoticed due to sleeping soundly. He took a few seconds to regain himself and process the question before releasing his soft grip on the cook and raising his hands in front of him. They were no longer numb, he waggled his fingers and smiled weakly, perhaps some rest was what was needed after all. "Yeah." Finny nodded at Bard.

"Heh.." Bard let out a relieved laugh. "Lucky you, eh? My body still hurts like bloody hell." He rubbed his shoulder mildly, a soft twinge nibbled against the mere touch. "Hmph... Won't even have a bed to rest on thanks to Pluto." He added almost silently as a hint of bitterness stroked his voice. Finny cocked his head to the side as the last ushered words seemingly went unheard until a boot made it's way forcefully into the elder blondes side causing him to yelp in agony. His cigarette almost spat itself from the shrieking lips. The cook locked eyes with Mey-Rin sat in front, the lesser warning the former to keep Finny's feelings in mind when speaking.

It had taken a deep bout of sleep to halt the mournful tears Finny produced over the guilt of Pluto's death. Thusly, mentioning it so soon after finally calming the gardener was rather insensitive. Bard gulped, gripping on to his swollen ribs, ahead of silently nodding to Mey-Rin whom in return apologized for the violent outburst with softened eyes. They turned to Finny whose face had ran pale from both confusion and worry at the preceding events and both feigned a reassuring, albeit creepy, smile. The farmer driving the cart, sat with back turned away from the workers, cleared his throat as the destroyed manor came into view. The old, slightly podgy, man had almost keeled over from Bard's scream.

"'Ey... Phan'omhive hoose is jist up thes road." He grunted over his shoulder, his Scottish accent concocted an unintentionally hostile, gruff voice. The trio replied with a wandering gaze from the back of the farmers slouched head up to the burned down home, all three conflicted whether they should be delighted to be in view of the manor or saddened by it's present state. "Looks a reit state though. Ye still wantin' me tae drap ye's aff reit at th' front?" He innocently asked, deciding not to press for an explanation, especially due to the rumours spreading about the capital's fire. (Many survivors had become hysterical over a sighting of a demonic creature)

Bard quickly glanced at Mey-Rin and then to Finny, finding the mutual answer in both expressions. "Yeah, that'd be great mate." He replied slumping back down into the cart to continue nursing his bruised rib. He took a smooth drag from his cigarette to mask the numbing feeling and relaxed in contentment to finally returning home.

"I hope mister Sebastian is already home. I'm kinda hungry." Finny cooed quietly as he joined Bard. "Maybe he'll make us a nice big feast." The cook raised an eyebrow at the green eyed blonde as if his statement personally insulted him. Had the younger worker forgotten the occupation of the man sat right beside him?

"Oi, why's it gotta be Sebastian's food? I can cook summin' when we get there." He asserted proudly, patting his chest while disregarding his blatant lack of edible cooking skills. Finny's smile faltered anxiously coercing him to think up a suitable excuse.

He looked up at Mey-Rin pleadingly who, without missing a beat, styled a rather devious expression across her lips and chimed in slyly. "Well, we're o'ready in enough pain Bard." The maid giggled at the cheap shot.

The cook gaped at her with a playfully pained facial expression but soon grinned excessively. "Hey! You're startin' to kick below the belt 'ere woman. I'll 'ave ya know I make the best toast in all America!" He puffed out his battered chest feigning amour-propre while taking an extra long, and last, drag of his cigarette. Finny simply smiled innocently at his two friend's banter until the cart halted abruptly beside the crumbled fountain decorating the manors entrance. The two geldings driving the cart whinnied, tossing their heads at the uneasy feeling they sensed.

The farmer, again, cleared his throat unnecessarily loud when the three stumbled tiredly off the back of the cart. The ache of their weight once again pushing down on healing soles reminding them of the crippling exhaustion all three were experiencing. The old man ran his stare over the shell of the stately home curiously before tipping his hat, bidding the grateful trio a farewell and setting off back down the dusty path. Bard spat out the nub of his consumed cigarette and joined his two fellow workers at the front of the large entrance.

The maid stepped toward the surviving door excitedly. "Oh thank goodness we're back home." Mey-Rin sighed happily when she went to open it. "I wonder if Tanaka is-"

Surprisingly the wooden door creaked open before the maid was able to turn the handle. The three stepped back off guard as a worry ridden face slipped from the entrance, various wrinkles crumpled up above weakened cocoa eyes. "Blimey, speak of the devil!" Bard grinned enthusiastically as his mind finally recognised the wizened appearance. "How's everything holdin' up Tanaka?"

The elder butler emerged from behind the door and sighed deeply. "Ah, thank the lord you're all safe." His wrinkled forehead relaxed greatly as a smile lifted his cheeks. "I thought I had heard horses. Is Master Ciel not with you?"

The trio glanced at each other, each appearing more confused than the other. "You mean... the young master hasn't returned yet?" Finny asked, his voice sounding unsettled.

Tanaka's expression drooped. "I'm afraid not." He stepped to the side to allow the younger members enter into the burned ruins. "Sebastian was here just briefly hours ago to collect something, but I have had no news of the young lord as of yet."

Bard knitted his brows together in thought while looking over the run down lobby. It was a rather pitiful sight. The stairs, black with ash and soot, were covered with the collapsed wooden framework from the cremated ceiling and prevented access to the upper floors. The marble flooring which once delightfully mirrored visitors reflections was soiled and dank; in areas cracks had formed violently under peeled decorated walls. The regal patterns the wallpaper styled was scornfully torn and burnt directly from the plaster. Heat still surrounded the debris spitting around in the air within the slaughtered room, it was hard to imagine that this depressing picture was once the most welcoming sight to all four employees. "Wot was it Sebastian needed so badly?" Bard finally asked, slicing the bitter atmosphere which had arisen.

"Oh.." Tanaka waved his gloved hand nonsensically. "Nothing to worry about. It was actually something I myself needed the master to see." He smiled sweetly at the cook, masking the truth behind those words. "I'm more than sure Sebastian is taking care of Ciel as we speak. On another note... you three look simply awful. Surely you're all hungry." Bard raised his eyebrows at the elder, curious at the sudden change of subject but disregarded it swiftly at the gurgling of his emptied stomach. Indeed, he was starving; Mey-Rin and Finny agreed without hesitation. Tanaka chuckled, his concern somewhat grandfatherly, thus began to lead the three to the barely living kitchen.

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The taller blonde's face dropped as the view soaked in. His kitchen was more or less destroyed to the brink he could hardly recognise the place causing him to frown, mouth gaped, excessively. All the crates spread around the room, obliterated. Tanaka set out some bread on the central counter where Mey-Rin was already stuffing her face full of luscious fruit she'd located within the still standing pantry. The butler chuckled at Bard's reaction. "It's perfectly fine Bardroy. Unlike many other rooms this has survived delightfully well."

"_Survived?! _Tanaka it's ruined!" The cook whimpered. "I can't believe it!" He wandered over to a burnt crate Finny was stood by, the lesser busy sorting out cutlery and plates while the former opened the wooden box. A loud moan emitted from the taller blonde. "My bloody weapons!" He assessed the pathetic state the few guns he'd stashed away within the kitchen were now in. They were repairable but nothing Bard could ever afford.

"Come now Bardroy. You have had enough of guns for the time being, please come eat." Tanaka shushed his younger friend, relieved when his words did not go unheard when Bard rubbed his eyes and left the artillery. However, the aged butler furrowed his brow when that one serious question crossed his mind for the umpteenth time. "Actually, since we're on the subject..." He began. "I'm afraid to ask but... whatever fate did dear Pluto face?" He observed the reactions of the young trio, all three tensing at the reminiscent. Tanaka placed his hand on the bridge of his nose in regret at asking but also sadness as he managed to conclude the impending doom the demon hound had to face. The mood had dropped significantly. Mey-Rin swallowed her food hard and Bard rubbed his neck awkwardly. 'My, I should not have been so careless with my words' the butler internally lectured himself.

Finny began to shuffle the cutlery forcefully. "Wh-who?" His voice shook oddly at the bizarre question. Bard raised his heavy head to look at the gardener, brows knitted together. Those skilfully cut emeralds were reduced to that grieving matte-like texture within dampening sclera. It was clear he was fighting back the tears again.

"Don't be foolish Fin." Bard stood up directly beside the smaller blonde and exhaled. He softened the limpid pools of blue glaring at his friend when he saw the lanky body begin to shudder ever so slightly.

Mey-Rin turned to face their backs. "Are you o'right Finny? You _were_ a bit quiet on the way home." She addressed concerned.

"Yep! Fine!" Finny blurted out violently, rearranging the pottery even carelessly. The three over lookers chests tightened in both pity and worry at the boys actions, his shoulders were pressed against his neck as he slumped over visibly in frustration. Tanaka and Bard exchanged glances briefly.

"I.. I apologize Finian. I should not have asked about him so insensitively." Tanaka desperately tried to calm the boy.

"Asked about who?!" Finny choked, unable to contain the large beads of gathered liquid in his ducts. The salty residue streamed down his flushed face, following the faded marks of previous tears. No, he didn't want to be reminded. He didn't need to be. What he refuses to remember... cannot hurt him... right? It could be just like Pluto never existed. The master would return and Sebastian would fix the house and then everything would be just hunky-dory.

"Finny, *sigh* for fucks sake wot the blood hell is wrong with you?" Bard grabbed the boy's arm becoming slightly pissed off with his stubbornness.

Finny yelped and tightened his grip on a plate he had in his current possession unintentionally shattering the dish with his ill-given strength. For a few hour long seconds the four remained as silent statues, overwhelmed with the throttling yet perplexing dispute until the source of the awkwardness's eyes drowned in blinding fluid at the sudden snap back to reality. He had isolated himself and the sharp reawakening was overpoweringly insufferable. He hesitated as he turned to face Bard, who'd loosened his grip on his friend after realising the needless anger he'd asserted.

"S-sorry.." He whipped round to look at the dumb founded faces of Mey-Rin and Tanaka. "**I-I'm really sorry**!" Finny cried out before darting out the kitchen.

The abandoned trio exchanged deepened frowns, none so as pained as the elder Butler. Bard gulped softly. "I should.. I'll go after him." he mumbled almost noiselessly until he stumbled down the path forged by the devastated colleague.

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Paralleling the sorry state of the manor, the garden was nothing but ashes crumbled into the unforgiving ground. Where the sun once reflected the beauty of dew dropped, skilfully crafted, ruby roses across an emerald field, presently did nothing but torment a broken soul wandering the piles of cinders. The dying embers within the ebony dust cackled silently as they observed the streaming expression limping by. Smoke coiled around the weakened limbs like a toyful Siamese cat would with it's doomed prey, shadowing the sour eyes. Finny eventually slumped over in misery onto the charred grass. His tears the first relief from the fire which had consumed the colour from the disintegrating blades.

His ears pricked up to his dismay as the shuffling of slow approaching footsteps continued to increase in volume. Never the less, the urge to glance over and identify his follower was ignored. When the presence behind him stood directly over him, it knelt down. The familiar and some what calming aroma of cigarettes and cheap cologne crept up Finny's sinuses, it was abundantly clear it was Bard who was behind him.

"You okay Fin?" No answer. The cook out stretched his arm and patted the small blonde on the back lightly "Come on Fin... we ain't... angry... we just, er... well.." He sighed anxiously. 'Wot the hell do I say?!' Admittedly, the man was useless in reassuring situations but knowing that the guilt had effected Finian so much, Bard was willing to try no matter how pathetic his attempts. Seriously, the gardeners unhealthy method of handling their friends death came as a shock. It wasn't as though he didn't know how sensitive the boy was but, even so to deny any memory at all of Pluto was... extraordinary. "We... well we.."

Finny glanced backwards at Bard, his eyes completely dim, dead if you will. Droplets were falling effortlessly from his swollen ducts. It could not have been more contrasting to the Finny the older blonde saw as his close friend. "I'm sorry Bard, so sorry." He whispered shakily. "So very very sorry."

Bard's heart squeezed agonizingly tight. "No Finny it's fine." He exhaled deeply, "I shouldn't 'ave grabbed ya like that."

Finny shook his head, the streaming liquid spread from flushed cheeks onto paled skin. "No... Bard. It's all my fault." The gardener shot his head around to muffle his sobs which burst from his blocked throat. "What happened with Pluto is all my fault!"

"Oi... No it ain't." Bard scooched closer to his younger. The lesser tensed up at the warmth of the presence so close by and clenched his shoulder even more when a callous hand gripped it empathetically (yet weakly as to not irritate any underlying wound). "Listen. Wot happened was we followed orders, none of us are to blame. It had to be done Fin."

"I know!" Finny sobbed. "But it wouldn't have had to if it weren't for me!" He shot round affronting his comforter. "I saw her Bard. I saw _her_!"

Bard squashed his brow together. "Saw who?"

"Angela! I saw her!" Finny explained. "I saw her before we went to bed."

Bard leaned in. "That bloody woman was 'ere? At the manor?"

The smaller blonde nodded his head and sniffled. "It had to be her... I saw her in the woods through the window, but... when I tried to look again nobody was there so... so I thought I'd imagined it because I was really tired b-but... But she really _was_ there wasn't she?! Angela's the only one who could get Pluto that way! And she was there to force him to go all angry and I just ignored it! Y-You all tell me to stop being so stupid and I.. **I never listen!" **Finny grabbed his head and shot it harshly down to the ground. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I could have stopped her! I was so stupid... so stupid, stupid, stupid..."

The cook glared at him, a mix of emotion displayed along his face; namely confusion, attentiveness and concern. The fire had started not long before they'd retreated to bed and even during the blaze all four workers unmistakeably caught sight of Pluto sprinting in the opposite direction of the manor. However, it was true that Bard was sure he saw somebody or _something _mounted on the demon hounds back as it darted for the capital. Although, he was certain it was a man yet the scheme of white indicated the possibility of it being Angela Blanc instead. If that was so, then poor Finny would be crippled with guilt and the ever tormenting 'what if's'.

Bard tightened his grip on Finny's shoulder as he finally begun to understand the younger employee's chaotic state of mind. "It's o'right Fin." He hushed his friends sobs. "That ain't nothing to worry over. It was just a mistake."

Limpid green pools fluttered upwards toward his consoler bearing both disbelief and doubt. "But, Bard I-I..."

The elder placed both hands on Finny's shoulders. "Listen Fin. You're not the only person ever to make one little mistake, o'right? You thought it was all in yer head, nobody's gonna call ya stupid for that. Everybody can be ignorant to their surroundings." the cook exhaled deeply. "Trust me..."

Finian's eyes widened momentarily before he lowered his head again and wiped his streaked cheeks. "Really?..." He sniffled when the remaining liquid was wiped from the darkened circles under his sore eyes. "..Thanks, Bard..."

The cook grinned relievedly at his friends recovery, moving his hand to ruffle the lighter blonde hair playfully. "Ha, it was nothing." The corners of the gardeners lips trembled into a small heartfelt smile at Bard's brotherly nature. "And I don't wanna hear this bullshit about forcin' yourself to forget again, you hear? I don't want you gettin' ill."

The smaller nodded slowly leaning forward to rest his head against Bard. "Okay." He mumbled becoming increasingly aware of how much grief had again sapped the energy from him. Though the plague of guilt ridden questions and 'could have's' couldn't be eradicated so easily with sweet words, Finny was briefly just content in having found even a minuscule chance at closure. All he really desired was to rest his sore body and to drift away from the tantalising memories.

He heard Bard clear his throat, the cook slightly caught off guard from the sudden extra-friendly contact, and felt his large hand pat his back. "E-enough of this mushy shit Fin. We should get back to Tanaka. The master might 'ave returned." Bard floundered, nudging the younger off him. The younger glanced straight up at the elder with grateful eyes before scrambling up onto his legs, swaying slightly from drowsiness. The cook followed suit, awkwardly adjusting his goggles lying limp around his neck as he began to lead Finny back into their broken home.

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Please review. I'm really nervous about this chapter D: I couldn't find any drive to write at all. I hope it isn't _too_ bad.


	3. Chapter 3

Just a short chapter about Tanaka. I re-watched the anime and noticed it didn't really say anything about Tanaka and writing in the journal, just that he _did _ then walks away. So, I just thought I'd try to write a little about how he feels about it all.

Also, I lost all my plans to the other chapters ._.' so I'm going to be very slow in writing the next ones, sorry.

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**Chapter 3**

Tanaka sighed weakly as he overlooked the many scattered books and notes of the study. The room had been barely touched by the chaotic flames just hours ago keeping it's over whelming scent of knowledge above the staining aroma of ash. Books upon books stacked ever so carefully onto shelves and desks, signed papers and drying ink pots, even the rogue breeze finding it's way through the various cracks formed in the broken ceiling and walls added to the rooms whimsical feel. Granted, only Tanaka felt so much pride in entering the room and maybe his ageing mind had finally reached it's 'wise old fossil' stage but none the less, Tanaka knew fairly well that whenever he needed to think, this was his sanctuary.

On fully entering the room Tanaka's consciousness began to engulf itself in his wandering thoughts per habit. He began to envision how his young master may have reacted to the news recorded within his journal. That single secret the old Butler swore to keep for one, Vincent Phantomhive concerning the queen herself had weighed his aged conscious throughout the passing years so heavily. The wizened man expected the release from such guilt to be blissful; easeful. Yet, he found himself still harboring an immense sense of uncomfort and anxiety at the back of his mind. Perhaps it was guilt toward the cataclysm of events which had recently preceded? He'd known all along her majesty's destructive nature and yet he allowed the boy to loyally follow her blindly despite this; Finny's outburst did nothing but highlight the strain their life faced in the passing days as a result of this. Or perhaps... it was fear? Master Ciel was not one to tolerate deception, perhaps not even from Tanaka. Did he fear being fired? All his heart and soul poured into the Funtom Company reduced to none? Or did he fear being hated, amongst all emotion, by the boy? There were many things the elder butler had to ponder in the wake of his master's return.

It was not long after he'd finally concluded the book had Sebastian arrived to collect that very same text. It was a brief occurrence. The two butlers had noticed each others presence when Tanka re-entered the ruined study. No words were exchanged; Sebastian had simply bowed, picked up the the book and left. Even without words Tanaka was made to believe the seemingly younger man would go to take care of his master however, even at the moment of departure he still felt noticeably anxious.

After a few dumbfounded minutes of standing in deep thought, the man finally set in motion toward the antique Phantomhive writing desk. The intricate design of the furniture was duly admirable. He shuffled through discarded papers upon the polished woodwork; his first attempts at spilling his knowledge onto pages. He adjusted his spectacles leaning forward to re-read the original scriptures when his ears picked up sharply and heard soft footsteps wading their way through the ruined hallways toward his room. Tanaka straightened his spine as he glanced toward the entrance revealing his red-haired co-worker.

"Ah, Mey-Rin." Tanaka smiled sweetly as the young woman came into view. The corners of his thin lips buried themselves into his wrinkled cheeks. She returned his greeting but ran her bespectacled eyes over the sheets the older man had been tending to. In a desperate try to recapture the womans attention Tanaka cleared his throat loudly, "So.. ahem.. is anything the problem? Oh! Please tell me Finian is all right."

Mey-Rin's head darted back to face Tanaka's, to his relief, and reflected the old man's gentle grin. "Ye he's fine, Bard's calmed 'I'm down. I was looking for you. You feelin' o'right?"

Tanaka sub-consciously began to straighten his creased jacket nervously. "Why, yes of course." He lowly laughed in his last breath as he comprised himself in a convincing composure.

In return the maid raised an eyebrow in slight doubt. "... you sure...?" She asked slowly.

"Yes... well... I may feel a little stressed. We have yet to see to Lord Ciel's return and with the ruined manor... I may simply be exhausted." The maid dumbly nodded in understanding as Tanaka approached her with arm widening to hold her shoulder. "Do not worry. Everything will be sorted once the master returns. Now... shall we?" He indicated back down the hall.

The young woman blinked behind her thick lenses, "Oh... but..." She stuttered in refusal. Despite his ill attempts the maid, with her two colleagues, could all sense the strange atmosphere surrounding Tanaka. The oddness of his behavior was only confirmed by the forced disposition of his typical grandfatherly attitude; it seemed so unnatural and unnerving. Could it be as he said, stress? The red haired woman halted her protests, her old friend kept that innocent smile painted on his face. "...Okay, if you say so..." Mey-Rin exhaled, giving him one more concerned look before trotting back down the passage. The sniper fully acknowledged she should not press.

Tanaka's smile twitched as he shamefully thanked the heavens when Mey-Rin had left him to his lonesome. As much as it was tedious, he felt he had to maintain his stiff upper lip lest they ask anymore. It wasn't a crime, he knew he was failing in hiding his anxiety but still, he did not wish to be asked questions he just did not wish to answer. Even so, he knew his own unsettled thoughts would not be answered until his master returned; it was fair to figure it was unnecessary for Tanaka to linger on them for long when so much work had to be done. The old man returned to the desk and scrambled through the assortment of loose papers, promptly hiding them within his inner jacket pocket to avoid his fellow workers stumbling across them.

He asked himself if he was exaggerating his worries; is what he did as bad as he allowed his thoughts to convince him so? He looked over the damage the fire caused along the halls and above his silver head. He remembered the first time such a catastrophe gripped the Phantomhive manor. The two murdered bodies, the frightened young child, the fear, the helplessness, the years of guilt even after he found his lost lord. Tanaka almost collapsed into the wooden chair furnishing the writing desk. Both these horrors caused by one woman. The same woman Tanaka lied about to deceive Ciel into following the same path as his father. It lead straight back here. Straight back to ruin. And this time Tanaka was not helpless in stopping it, he chose not to; he instigated it. He buried his wrinkled face into his hands and begged the master to return home soon.


End file.
